The Beauty – and the Cruelty – of it all

The Beauty – and the Cruelty – of it all

Okay I finally found some time to blog about what happened the past few days. Firstly I’ve been coding for days, getting the project that I’m working on to work correctly and make it “elegant” in terms of OOP.

Then on Saturday went to a…what is it called?…youth event? Don’t know how to call it haha, but its quite fun lah, though a bit tiring. Either I’m need to get fit or I’m frankly getting too old for playing “kids games”. Haha. Then I was on my way home and reached it at 9:45ish, and then went straight to bed…too tired to do any programming for the day.

Thinking about what two of my friends said about me at that event got me thinking – is this really me? “Quiet”? Certainly, they were not the first to say that – the first being a friend back in the year 2000 at the APEC Youth Science Festival when she said that I was quiet when compared to other guys – and I wasn’t really surprised by their comment on my character – rather, I was expecting it – most of the times when I am quiet are the times when I am in silent contemplation about a thought.

I almost forgot, the view of the shoreline in the evening is wonderful. Just standing there (text censored by author’s subconscious) makes me think about my (text censored by author’s subconscious) life. I wonder if (text censored by author’s subconscious).

Saturday’s event prompted me to really think about myself. Inevitably, the issue will crop up, and I was expecting it, even dreading it. Personally, I don’t know what to do right now. It’s kind of a strange feeling you get, because on the one hand I want to believe whatever I want to believe in because those beliefs make a person who he/she is today, and on the other, there is the promise of the truth and discarding your previous beliefs (flashback to Morpheus offering Neo the blue and red pills). It’s a really hard decision, because there are not too many people to help you choose – i.e. your friends, patron god(s), your parents, a religious leader or yourself. I only have two choices by my reckoning – either I trust a patron’s decision (if there ever is a meta-physical manifestation of my current or future patron god(s)), or I decide for myself. Being as a person who has mostly relied on himself, and only using faith as the last means of resort, I guess the decision lies with me then. However, the other issue is that if I decide on a choice, is it because I want to be accepted by other people, or is it because I truly belief in the faith? You see the dilemma? The beauty – and the cruelty – of it all?

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